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20080902

Love and Marriage

Some Love and Marriage quotes that (wait, maybe they don't want to be called out on my blog, anyway,) "Someone" put together:

  • What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

  • Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916

  • The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. ~Peter De Vries

  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

  • Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw

  • Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work. ~Author Unknown

  • Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~Simone Signoret

  • Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

  • A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming

  • Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night. ~Paul Hornung

  • More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

  • Divorce: The past tense of marriage. ~Author Unknown

  • One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst

  • Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn

  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

  • In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire

  • There is no such cozy combination as man and wife. ~Menander

  • It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. ~Benjamin Disraeli

  • The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

  • In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all. ~Anne Sophie Swetchine

  • In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~Robert Sexton

  • An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit. ~Pliny the Younger, Letters

  • If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

  • A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. ~W. Somerset Maugham

  • If two stand shoulder to shoulder against the gods,
    Happy together, the gods themselves are helpless
    Against them while they stand so.
    ~Maxwell Anderson

  • After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6º of marriage! ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

  • There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch

  • English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation. ~Author Unknown

  • A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. ~Paul Sweeney

  • Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. ~Francis Rodman

  • Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~Beverley Nichols

  • Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. ~Author Unknown

  • Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage. ~Finnish Proverb

  • A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. ~James H. Boren

  • All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. ~Raymond Hull

  • One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing them; or rather there is one face which you can still see the same, through all the shadows which years have gathered upon it. ~George MacDonald

  • As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. ~Socrates

  • Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain

  • Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927

  • Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~Isadora Duncan

  • When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908

  • A first-rate marriage is like a first-rate hotel: expensive, but worth it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

  • Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day. ~Gene Perret

  • Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented! ~Heinrich Heine

  • The reason for much matrimony is patrimony. ~Ogden Nash

  • I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. ~Claire Cloninger, "When the Glass Slipper Doesn't Fit and the Silver Spoon is in Someone Else's Mouth"

  • A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals

  • Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

  • Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown

  • Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools. ~William Congreve

  • Marriage ceremony: an incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. ~O.C. Ogilvie

  • A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

  • One should never know too precisely whom one has married. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

  • Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde

  • Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. ~Author Unknown

  • Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. ~Author Unknown

  • Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~Gene Perret

  • Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. ~Mae West

  • My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. ~Author Unknown

  • I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman

  • Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade. ~Leo Buscaglia

  • Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. ~James C. Dobson

  • I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. ~Lord Byron

  • The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane. ~Joseph Collins

  • We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love. ~Gene Perret

  • It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight. ~John Stevenson

  • Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress. ~Author Unknown

  • Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. ~Author Unknown

  • Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. ~Author Unknown

  • Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~Author Unknown

  • How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. ~Oscar Wilde

  • Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. ~Stephen Leacock, Literary Lapses, 1910

  • The most dangerous food is wedding cake. ~American Proverb

  • Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition. ~Samuel Pepys

  • Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is. ~Author Unknown

  • Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

  • Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence. ~Author Unknown

  • Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space. ~Gene Perret

  • There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first. ~Adela Rogers St. Johns

  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~Sacha Guitry, Elles et toi, 1948

  • It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. ~Helen Rowland, Violets and Vinegar

  • Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. ~Marlene Dietrich

  • Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. ~Joseph Joubert

  • Never strike your wife - even with a flower. ~Hindu Proverb

  • The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. ~Peter Devries

  • The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. ~Brendan Behan

  • So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils

  • Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. ~Langdon Mitchell

  • Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? ~Author Unknown

  • What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger

  • Love-matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. ~Countess of Blessington

  • Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. ~Sydney J. Harris

  • That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger. ~George Eliot

  • The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. ~Leo J. Burke

  • You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self. ~Jerry McCant

  • Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them. ~Jefferson Machamer

  • It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years? ~Author Unknown

  • The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~Honore de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage

  • Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. ~Scottish Proverb

  • Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ~Henny Youngman

  • The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast. ~Gabriel García Márquez

  • She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. ~Tommy Manville

  • By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates

  • A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

  • Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

  • One man's folly is another man's wife. ~Helen Rowland

  • Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do. ~Bettina Arndt, Private Lives, 1986

  • Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. ~English Proverb

  • Wedlock is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge. ~Mrs Patrick Campbell

  • Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. ~Marilyn Monroe

  • A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

  • Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine. ~Honore de Balzac

  • Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. ~H.L. Mencken

  • In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again.... We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring. ~Enid Bagnold, Autobiography, 1969

  • Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

  • The highest happiness on earth is marriage. ~William Lyon Phelps

  • A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married. ~Kin Hubbard

  • Two mothers-in-law. ~Lord John Russell, on being asked what he would consider a proper punishment for bigamy

  • Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil. ~Byron, Hours of Idleness

  • A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. ~Joey Adams

  • A question asked in a Surrey school exam went: "Why do cocks crow early every morning?" A twelve-year-old replied: "My dad says they have to make the most of it while the hens are asleep." ~Quoted in the Peterborough Daily Telegraph, 1983

  • A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. ~H.L. Mencken

  • Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the dessert. ~Austin O'Malley

  • One shouldn't be too inquisitive in life
    Either about God's secrets or one's wife.
    ~Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales

  • Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love. ~Jackie Gleason

  • For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. ~Bill Cosby, Love and Marriage

  • I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. ~Lyndon B. Johnson

  • Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention. ~Ian Hay

  • Some marriages break up, and some do not, and in our world you can usually explain the former better than the latter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

  • My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit. ~Jerry Hall

  • The marriage state, with or without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life. ~Richard Steele, The Spectator

  • Adultery is the application of democracy to love. ~Henry Louis Mencken, "Sententiae," A Book of Burlesques, 1920

  • A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. ~Andre Maurois

  • Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. ~Elbert Hubbard

  • In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. ~Joan Didion

  • Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. ~Larry Gelbart, M*A*S*H, "Bulletin Board," original airdate 14 January 1975, spoken by the character Frank Burns

  • When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. ~Helen Rowland

  • In the long run wives are to be paid in a peculiar coin - consideration for their feelings. As it usually turns out this is an enormous, unthinkable inflation few men will remit, or if they will, only with a sense of being overcharged. ~Elizabeth Hardwick, Seduction and Betrayal, 1974

  • Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. ~Helen Rowland

  • Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. ~Jean Kerr, Mary, Mary, 1960

  • Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative. ~Author Unknown

  • It is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show people up. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick

  • A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. ~Grace Hansen

  • The view that a peptic ulcer may be the hole in a man's stomach through which he crawls to escape from his wife has fairly wide acceptance. ~John Allan Dalrymple Anderson

  • Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. ~Charles Caleb Colton

  • I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out. ~Lee Grant

  • Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. ~Harlan Miller

  • The man who never in his life
    Has washed the dishes with his wife
    Or polished up the silver plate -
    He still is largely celibate.
    ~Christopher Morley, Washing the Dishes

  • A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

  • God created sex. Priests created marriage. ~Voltaire

  • To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. ~E.W. Howe

  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ~Henny Youngman

  • Marriage is a mistake every man should make. ~George Jessel

  • I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind. ~Virginia Cary Hudson, O Ye Jigs & Juleps, 1962 (Thanks, Charlene)

  • A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. ~Helen Rowland

  • My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. ~Author Unknown

  • Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. ~Ogden Nash

  • Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

  • The concern that some women show at the absence of their husbands, does not arise from their not seeing them and being with them, but from their apprehension that their husbands are enjoying pleasures in which they do not participate, and which, from their being at a distance, they have not the power of interrupting. ~Michel de Montaigne

  • But married once, a man is stak'd or pown'd, and cannot graze beyond his own hedge. ~Philip Massinger, Fatal Dowry, 1632

  • Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

  • Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. ~Author Unknown

  • I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. ~Marie Corelli

  • Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. ~Kin Hubbard

  • After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her - and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. ~Helen Rowland

  • A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers. ~African Proverb

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